CV for Moi?

So due to popular demand, (basically friends keeping emailing me to re-send this to them), here's a tip, go to the blog! Anyways . . .

(Originally posted on 8th April, 2007)

Too long again since blogging, though much to blog about. Blog, blag, blug. I have to rant. For the past 3 weeks at work now more than usual I have been sifting through CVs, as recuitment is on the rise, and many positions to be filled. So to end all before I stick my face through my laptop, here are my cardinal rules based on the 400 odd resumes I get daily, I would like to share with potential candidates who send their CVs through:

1) Football is NOT a skill. A skill is profficient in MS Office, AutoCAD, Oracle, etc. Ability to Persuade people is not a skill, and neither is Friendliness. If you think it is, you're applying in the wrong place.
2) I don't need your whole educational history from grade school. I also don't need to know if you won fifth place in a public speaking competition. Frankly, if you were anything less than third, do you really want to tell everyone? It would make sense also that whatever you write is in relation to what you're applying for. Case in point; do not apply for: ANY SUITABLE POSITION.
3) When you take your photo, try and smile. It makes you look less depressed. It would help also if you didn't take your photo with a psychedelic hippie back-grown. The 80's are so over.
4) Objectives. Crap. Crap. And more crap. Add some lies to that. Everbody wants to work in a challenging environment to which they can fully utilise their skills to the best of their ability to best enhance the corporation in which they will work with full dedication. Come on, please. Even worse is saying you're a team-orientated, customer friendly individual who has good time and task management. WHO is going to say otherwise? "I am lazy, and frankly, I hate dealing with customers." I think not.
5) Spellcheck. Spellcheck again. Then some more. Then do a grammar check. Then do another grammer check. Then have someone else read it. Then another person. Remember, you're only one letter away from confusing someone who was once a public accountant.
6) Don't lie on your resumes. I'm going to find out, one way or the other. This is why people do refernce checks. If you exaggerate, you're going down. Besides, if you had such great jobs in the past, why did you leave?
7) Using Arial or Times New Roman Font, size 10 or 12 is fine. You like creative, funky fonts? Cursive, elaborate styles? Great. Send the resume to yourself where it saves me from bleeding from the retinas when I read it.
8) I don't need to know if you still live with your parents. And if you do, that's just really sad. One resume even had a person who wrote they were divorced twice but had custody of the children. That's a bit too much information.
9) If you worked for (Insert Random Company) for xyz number of years as abc position, it would be nice if I KNEW WHAT YOUR COMPANY DID. Do explain what the company makes, point in case a resume last week where a gentleman wrote he was Production Manager. Of what? Baby strollers? Fighter Jets? Teapots? It's such fun to guess.
10) And finally, your hobbies. Frankly, the fact you enjoy surfing the internet, play tennis, or like meeting people (not a hobby by the way), is not the tipping point in your favor. It just wastes space on the resume. I can't understand why applying for a charted accountant requires listing your hobby of walking, (didn't know it was a hobby, thought more a necessity of life), eating fine foods, (also, more a want isn't it?), and salsa dancing, (which is of great relevance when looking for CPAs), needs.

Maybe I need to get out more. Now back to the resumes . . .