20 Costumes That Will Earn You a Halloween Beating

I found this gem of an article on Cracked, and almost wet myself laughing. For those of you in the Halloween spirit and celebrating tomorrow, enjoy!

What follows are 20 samples from the other end of the costume spectrum--good for inspiring a healthy mixture of douche-chills and rage. If you're wearing one of these, consider yourself warned: those guys aren't getting up from the bar to come over and shake your hand.

#20. Spongebob Adult Man's Costume

Aside from the "Would you like to buy some Bibles?" look on the model's face, it's the white leotards that seal the wearer's fate. Or possibly the little red dick-tie.

#19. ATM Man

If you want to look like a Muslim Darth Vader, this costume is for you. Despite the claims in the picture, don't be surprised if women dressed like money do not approach you to withdraw cash from your wiener.

#18. Breathalyzer

The early model Terminators were easily identifiable, since Skynet's files on what penises really look like were badly damaged in the initial attack.

#17. Cain The Vampire Tyrant

Oh shit! It's Cain! Cain the Vampire Tyrant! And he's been playing the Nintendo with his power Glove!

#16. Lock and Key

This dude finally gets a modeling gig that has nothing to do with his biceps or his dreadlocks, so he improvises. The woman is sad because she knows the inevitable attempt to "unlock" here will cause her entrails to go flying out of her lower back, a gruesome and undignified death via impalement on a wacky costume.

#15. Fork and Spoon

This lacks the sexual connotations of the lock and key outfit above, but we can't figure out if that makes the costume more sad or less. At least aliens won't be able to read their thoughts.

#14. Hung

Oh, we get it. "Hung" as in hung like a horse. Like, you have a big penis. And you convey this by... attaching a stuffed horse's head to your groin? With a hangman's noose? This costume's designer has many a dead hooker in his basement.

#13. Napoleon Dynamite

We can think of two people off the top of our heads who haven't seen this movie: the guy who designed this costume and the guy wearing it.

#12. I've Got a Heart On

We know. We can see it. And the children can see it. Warning: This costume is illegal in 48 states.

#11. Wiseman

Just because he is wearing a hat and carrying frankincense does not mean this is not a Geisha Girl costume.

#10. Super Jew

Whether the kid is Jewish or not, we're pretty sure this costume qualifies as some kind of hate crime.

#9. Baby and Mommy

If you think it looks bad now, every time he walks, it looks like an 8 year old in diapers humping a babushka wearing basketball shoes.

#8. The Munchkin

Okay, that's fucking terrifying. Is that a wig or not? Forget it, we don't want to look at it any more. We're going to wake up some night and see this bastard staring down at us, orange cheeks and all.

#7. God's Gift to Women

"From: God, To: Women?" Well, they are going to be disappointed when they open it up and see that it's just the rest of this guy.

#6. Bacon and Eggs

The good news for him is that next year when they get divorced, he can just buy a sombrero and he's got a Mexican stereotype costume. She's stuck going as an amoeba.

#5. Taz

If you take off the Taz mask, you've got a pretty terrifying childbirth costume here. Complete with dentata!

#4. One Night Stand

Yes, he's dressed as a one-night stand. GET IT? These "abstract idea costumes" actually wind up being some of the most disturbing. Such as...

#3. The Shit Hit the Fan

If you don't have this jackass to explain the joke, this looks more like maggots crawling out of a drain. Which actually makes one of the most awesome and disturbing Halloween costumes we've ever seen. Congratulations on the accidental horror, guys.

#2. Goth Milk

There is no place on earth where this costume won't get you a vicious beating. You wouldn't even make it out of Quaker country in this thing. Goths, puns, suggested genital piercings on a child... it's like they distilled everything a good man finds offensive and expressed it in shitty costume form.

#1. Slave Leia

My goodness what a lame costume. Take it off.

Diwali Thoughts

First of all, Happy Diwali to all around the world. May the start of this new year bring happiness to you and your loved ones. It's a great time of happiness and new beginnings, which is always a joyous occasion.

A friend of mine asked me what Diwali was recently, and whilst I have been celebrating Diwali since I was born, the exact details, (not wishing to blur memory versus imagination versus fact), I've done a little official research.

Diwali is a festival which is celebrated in India and Nepal. While it is particularly sacred to Hindus, practitioners of other Indian religions also celebrate Diwali, and Jainist, Hindu, and Sikh communities all over the world commemorate Diwali with smaller festivals of their own. The timing of this holiday varies, since it is based on the Hindu lunar calendar, but it is generally celebrated in the fall. Diwali festivities in India involve everyone, not just the religious faithful, and the holiday is a major event in the Indian year.

The festival celebrates the triumph of good over evil; in Hindi, Diwali means “festival of lights,” and people light rows of lights to commemorate heroic figures in Indian mythology who triumphed over the forces of evil. Diwali is also a propitious time for new endeavors, and many people clean their homes and open all their windows and doors to welcome luck and good fortune during Diwali. The exchange of gifts is also traditional during this holiday, and many people host dinners and Diwali parties.

Regional traditions vary immensely when it comes to celebrating Diwali, because each community has developed its own unique way of celebrating this holiday. Technically, Diwali is actually five days long, with each day representing a different facet of the festival of lights. In many communities, people pick one day of Diwali in particular to celebrate, often with fireworks and other large public festivities.

On the second day Kali, the goddess of Strength, is worshipped. This day also focuses on abolishing laziness and evil.

On the third day (the last day of the year in the lunar calendar), lamps are lighted and shine brightly in every home. The lamp symbolizes knowledge and encourages reflection upon the purpose of each day in the festival. The goal is to remember the purpose throughout the year.

The fourth day of Diwali falls on the first day of the lunar New Year. At this time, old business accounts are settled and new books are opened. The books are worshipped in a special ceremony and participants are encouraged to remove anger, hate, and jealousy from their lives.

On the final day (Balipratipada) of the festival, Bali, an ancient Indian king, is recalled. Bali destroyed the centuries old philosophies of the society. However, in addition to this, he is remembered for being a generous person. Thus, the focus of this day is to see the good in others, including enemies.

Numerous myths and stories are associated with Diwali. Many of these myths center around the defeat of evil demons, or the exoneration and freedom of wrongfully oppressed people. Diwali celebrates religious elevation and enlightenment as well. Many Diwali festivals also honor specific Hindu gods like Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth, and Ganesha, the god of auspicious or new beginnings. In many regions of India, people also exchange traditional Diwali greetings when they encounter each other on the street; these greetings express a mutual desire for good luck and fortune in the coming year.

On a random side note, for those of you who celebrate Diwali and are obsessed with our wonderful plastic friend of the ages, Mattel have kindly provided for you your item of choice, enjoy!





















Click here to buy it. I know you want to buy it. Really, I know.

And this year marks my first Diwali with my Usagi-Chan, the first of many to come! Happy Diwali everyone!

Part-Time Supermodel

So I came across this very cool website yesterday, pointed out to me by an old friend. It takes a photo of yours, (need to be a frontal picture of your face, though I'm sure the sleazier lot of you will find other images), and photoshops them on preset layouts they have. They really cool thing about this is that it's web based and does it in seconds! Biding this, you could pawn off to your friends you're famous . . . or just very ego-centric . . .

Check out the website here at PhotoFunia

Things Rocking my Tree - Oct 08

1) Playing Little Big Planet, and just laughing at the simple fun of it all
2) Falling in love with Dido's new track, "Don't believe in Love"
3) Lounging away lazy Friday mornings with Usagi-chan
4) Reaffirming that Entourage is a very underrated show
5) Trying to find someone in this country to come install curtains at home
6) Sitting on the balcony and not sweating to death, winter can't come soon enough
7) Re-discovering the simplicity of PB&J and a glass of cold milk, albeit at 3am
8) That there's a big difference between being educated and learned
9) That sometimes you can't just understand your friends, no matter what Oprah says
10) Splish splashing with Usagi-chan at Atlantis and not getting eaten by sharks

Banksy's Back

I've always loved Banksy's work. I only wish I had more chances when travelling to check out his work, though sadly Dubai doesn't seem it will be getting any love from Banksy any time soon. I came across this gem this morning, and strongly suggest anyone nearby to go check it out, you know you can take time away from watching Project Runway . . .

Apparently there is a tiny little pet store quietly opened about four days ago at 89 7th Avenue between I've West 4th and Bleeker Street in the West Village of New York City.

There are no puppies or kittens in the windows here.

Instead, a live leopard lounges on a tree in the window.

Or is it?

In other windows, things get a bit more bizarre.

McDonald's Chicken McNuggets sip barbecue sauce. A rabbit puts on her makeup. A CCTV camera nurtures its young.

Clearly, that this isn't your typical pet store.

And the "owner" of the Village Pet Store and Charcoal Grill at 89 West 7th Avenue?

Banksy.

Once inside Banksy's pet store, you discover such things as breaded fish that swim in a large round bowl while hot dogs are living the high life under heat lamps in cages near the cash register.

One really cool thing is that the entire show is completely visible to the public both day and night through the store front windows. And unless you're a hard core Banksy fan, or until someone tells you, it's absolutely impossible to know that the work has been done by Banksy. There are no paintings or graffiti in the entire space.

Solid stuff.
















Little Chicken McNuggets















Hot Dog Turtles



Sausages Basking



(He apparently is watching a video playing Nat Geo showing monkeys doing it monkey style).



Fish Nuggets (Love this one)



The "Leopard"



Bunny gets ready



Tweety doesn't look too happy

You can check out the shop's website here!

Defcon 3

I love this story, I first thought it was something from The Onion, but happily enough, it comes from the trusted Arabianbusiness.com, enjoy!

Iran arrests two spy pigeons near nuclear facility

by James Exel

Two spy pigeons have been arrested in the vicinity of the Iranian nuclear facility at Natanz, and handed over to the country's security services, local press reported on Monday.

Iranian paper E'temad-e Melli quoted an informed source as saying that one pigeon carrying a wired rod fixed to its body with the use of invisible threads had been caught near the Mihan Rose Water Company in Kashan, Isfahan province.

He added that the second bird, a black pigeon carrying a blue wired rod fixed to its back by invisible threads, had been caught at the beginning of the month.

The Natanz nuclear plant is alleged to be Iran's central facility for uranium enrichment to be used to build an atomic bomb, although there is some speculation that the site could be a front, while expansion of the centrifuge program goes on elsewhere.

The facility is located some 30km from the town of the same name, which itself is 70km from Kashan.

The use of pigeons in military operations dates back to at least the 12th century, originating in the Middle East.

The first recorded use of messenger pigeons was in 1150 in Baghdad and the great Mongol Genghis Khan made use of them soon after.

In 1860, Paul Reuter, who later founded Reuters press agency, used a fleet of over 45 pigeons to deliver news and stock prices between Brussels and Aachen. The outcome of the Battle of Waterloo was also first delivered by a pigeon to England.

In 1994, a medal awared to a British pigeon working for British Intelligence during World War II sold for 9,200 pounds ($15,755).

The PDSA Dickin medal, the animal equivalent to the UK's highest military award for bravery, the Victoria Cross, was awarded to Commando the Pigeon, who had flown vital information, the location of German troops, industrial sites and injured British soldiers, out of occupied France in 1942.

Commando received his medal in 1945 for his "conspicuous bravery and devotion" before he was put out to stud.

The Birth of Ari

Congratulations on the FJ Hassan . . .

I Love my Sackboy

So as you all know my passion for books and games comes neck to neck, though many can say that playing video games is childish, I’m happy to admit it’s a great passion and though what I write next may or may not help that cause, one can only think that the millions of gamers can’t be wrong.

Now before I continue, I have to mention other memorable and humbling moments of gaming that have stood out in the recent years:

• The music when Halo 2 started for the first time, and the countless hours plugged into multiplayer sessions at people’s houses
• Wandering through Bioshock, and wondering how the hell it could be so pretty and scary at the same time
• Doing what everyone did as soon as they did it, and carjacking some hapless fool and running him over with his own car in GTA IV, and then just staring at the beauty of having the freedom to do it
• Playing first mission level of Call of Duty 4, all of you out there on my Xbox Live friends list, you know what I mean . . .

Now as non-gamers reading this, you’re probably all lost. Hell, even friends of mine who are gamers are sometimes lost when I talk to them, being a PS3 or Xbox loyalist. I choose not to bicker on sides and am equally happy with both, thought have not seen the lure yet of the Wii and exerting the same amount of effort to play virtual tennis that I could being on a court.

So one game that has been on my mind for a while since they mentioned it 2 years ago is Little Big Planet for the PS3. I was lucky enough, thanks to friendly mom and pop shops that don’t follow the big retailer’s strict release dates, (or in my case my friendly Iranian game shop owner), to get a copy 3 days ago, a full 10 days from the Oct 21st release date.

First of all, I love my Sackboy. (More on that later).

Now, one thing to remember for this; is that you are the game. This may not be entirely apparent at first. Chances are you won't be one of the four ex-Lionhead (who made the great Black & White series) employees who first put pen to graph paper in 2005, or the scant two-score pros who joined them when Media Molecule was born in 2006. Chances are you won't number among the legions of Sony employees who jumped in with resources and advice over the subsequent long days, months and years. But don't worry, you're playing a part. Or rather, you will be. You're a master-artisan-in-waiting, an embryonic lord of creation.

For those who've somehow managed to turn a deaf ear to Sony's relentless pimpage of this, its newfound favourite son, LittleBigPlanet is a molten hybrid of 2.5D platformer and level editor, wrought from the very latest in physics-enabled kitsch and stuffed to the seams with visionary charm. As a linear entity it provokes (and survives) comparison with the cream of Sega and Nintendo's output, from Super Mario Brothers to Sonic the Hedgehog 2; as a set of game creation tools it's in a world of its own, a world thronged with braided fabric boulders and pendulous waxwork constellations, elastic bands and jetpacks. The result is a bewitching paradox: simultaneously one of the most intuitive, unpretentious and egalitarian titles I’ve ever played, and also one of the most intricate and chimerical.

For those of you if what I’ve written already scare the crap out of you and if you have no idea what I’m talking about, and more; if all you want to do is hop a few platforms, bounce on a few jump pads and be home in time for tea, Little Big Planet has a table set aside for you. The story mode is kind of short at around 8 to 10 hours per play-through, but as with Mario, Sonic and chums, gunning single-mindedly through the compulsory levels is only part of the fun.

But what is LBP, at its core? It is very easy to wax on about the lofty aspirations of the user-generated content aspect of the game (which I no doubt will, later), but at its centre Little Big Planet is simply one of the most amazing and original platform game of recent years. Playing the story portion of this grand opus leaves you in little doubt about the mechanic at the heart of the action. Pure and simple; running and jumping. Oh, and a bunch of hanging and dragging, too.

Running and jumping is the cusp of the evolved-platform game play, but so too is hanging (useful for traversing particular areas, or clinging on for dear-life in some of the giant machines you'll meet later on) and dragging (key for reaching certain areas by moving items, or for unblocking the path ahead). All this motion is beautifully animated in a manner that would make Pixar extremely jealous, and the fun-filled but believable physics are among the best I've seen in any game, of any genre, hands down. (Eat that Half-Life). The way the moving of objects, and the manner in which physics impacts this, is key to the game play is wonderful to behold - and at times you'll catch yourself grinning like a drooling infant at the playfulness of it all.

You may have noticed that I've got this far and I've barely managed to touch on the user-generated content side of things - this isn't because this side of the game is in any way inconsequential, but rather I was hoping to highlight through my earlier ramblings how good the game is before you even reach for this extra layer of detail. Strewn throughout the game's levels are stickers to collect (these will give you bonuses if applied in the right places), and there are a myriad (no, really) of items to collect as you progress, beyond the innumerable point-giving orbs. The collection of items will give you goodies with which do decorate the world, and Sackboy himself, as well as gradually unlocking 'stuff' for using in the level creation portion of the game.

The level of Sackboy (or girl!) customization is very high indeed, and you'll find yourself evolving your fabric-hero on the fly simply because of the casual joy there is to be had trying out combinations of outfits, and the other accessories available. The possibilities are endless, and all this does of course add yet further color to co-op bouts as well. You can even decorate your 'pod' (Sackboy's home from where you'll access the game's various options) with decorations you've garnered in play. Nice touches include the ability to control your sack-person's arms by holding the controller's triggers; great for showing-off after putting in a sterling performance on a particular stage, while his expression can be tailored to a range of emotions as well. You can even make him bow by tilting the controller (the Sixaxis is also used for 'shaking loose' jetpacks). None of this is groundbreaking of course, but it adds lashings of charm and personality to the proceedings. (Usagi-chan and I spent the better half of an evening customizing Sackboy’s appearance, though I’ve settled on a semi-resembling aviators of myself, full with glasses and spiky hair, cigarettes not available).

Of course, the real longevity of the Little Big Planet experience is likely to come from the user-generated levels - and it is on this side of things that matters do get quite involved. Finding new user-generated worlds is a doddle... creating something half-decent of your own certainly isn't. I haven’t been able to check them out yet, with the servers still not up for another week, but there's already a massive amount of content for you to investigate, from a variety of creative (and potentially really insane) people.

Little Big Planet is one of the most inviting game world's ever imagined, the concept is a masterstroke, the implementation slick. Media Molecule are also promising enhancements still to come, and alongside epic amounts of user-generated content the sky really could be the limit for the diminutive Sackboy. Beyond a few control niggles and the obvious challenge of the content creation tools (which are perhaps not as approachable as the sandbox, power-to-the-people theme struck might imply), this is a game that can take you to new and exciting places like few others before it. I’m really buying into the Little Big Planet phenomenon; and buying in big. So should you. If you don’t have a PS3 and were on the fence or even nowhere near it, now is the time to get off your proverbial backside and get one now. Yes, it’s worth it just for LBP.

And yes, I love my Sackboy.

You have an Oscar you know . . .

It’s almost impossible to remember that Ben Kingsley once had a career so strong that it was a genuine shock when he didn’t win any awards. Sadly, his days of Gandhi and Schindler’s List type performances seem to be gone. Hell, even days of Sexy Beast and House of Sand & Fog are even gone. I can’t tell if he’s completely lost the plot, desperately bankrupt and needs the money, or just taking waaaaay too much medication and using that to guide his role selection.

First Kingsley play a dirty-minded sex guru giving advice to a digitally young Mike Myers. Perhaps even more disturbing than merely seeing him on the screen is witnessing how much he actually gets into the part. You’d actually think Sir Kingsley enjoys making a mockery of the culture he venerated in his Oscar winning role with infantile sex gags and fart noises. Ahh, but the Americans will laugh; perhaps that’s all that matters.

Secondly, in a fantasy adventure based on Ubisoft's popular video game, Prince of Persia, (excellent game by the way, not quite sure turning it into a movie as is the crap hot trend these days . . .), Jake Gyllenhaal will play Dastan, a young prince in sixth century Persia who must prevent a villainous nobleman (Kingsley, of course . . .) from possessing the Sands of Time, a gift from the gods that can reverse time and allow its possessor to rule the world. Right . . .

Oh Sir Kingsley, what has happened to your class?

I am a freedom-loving human being and my dogs shall profit from it

So last week I went to pick up some snack treats for Freddy, our little Richardson Ground squirrel, (think Meerkat but smaller), and came across this pamphlet which the cashier was handing out at the register. Now I'm always interested in advertising and paper ads, usually due to some weird grammatical error, or slight in color scheme, but this one takes the cake. I think one of the key things to remember in translating something into another language, (in this case English), is to remember to HAVE SOMEONE PROOF-READ IT! I don't know with what software they used to translate the German to English, which was either free malware online let's take a chance software; or the actual person who translated it was doing so many drugs he forgot how to compose sentances, prepositions, or even common sense, but it made me laugh so hard I was crying.

Click the image for the bigger view, and please remember, "I am a freedom-loving human being and my dogs shall profit from it." Classic.

Back from the Proverbial Hiatus

So it's been a while, yes a long, long while, but maybe feelings of hapless guilt and simply getting caught up with it all has brought me back to the keyboard to tap away relentless thoughts and endless streams of verbal epiphanies . . . thanks to Ali for making that push to make this happen, and more to come very soon; yes, in the one year hiatus much has bothered this fragile mind of mine . . .