Bond versus Twins of Plastic

So this afternoon trying to take a break from the madness at work, reading the paper, I see some very disturbing news.

VERY DISTURBING.

Pay attention here.

Olsen Twins considered for new Bond Girls

WHAT? Has Barbara Broccoli lost her mind?? Now granted, I was a bit hesitant when they announced Daniel Craig for the 21st Bond movie, and a actually glad I ignored the fray that was flying around up till the movie's release. I was very impressed, and really enjoyed his foray into the world of 007. He really brought back like into a sadly dying franchise that's been exploding on with bigger stunts (Surfing a giant wave in Die Another Day? Which if you didn't know, Laird Hamilton was the stunt double), and retarded gadgets (The invisible Aston in again, Die Another Day), to disguise the fact that it's run out of fresh ideas. What I did enjoy is that he acts with an actor's skill, an athlete's grace and that dangerous edge that slams in your face that Bond, James Bond, is back and not messing around. Definitely more brutal and classic action scenes. For a more laid-back look, he was also in the multiple Oscar winning Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, where he plays Alex West, an American archaeologist with the worst possible accent ever. Flicking through that movie the other day again made me think he didn't even make a ripple, scary in a movie of that extreme caliber . . . Now that he's redeemed himself, in a related nice surprise, when I bought my PS3 there was an offer to get a free Blu-Ray of Casino Royale which was very cool. Need to do a review of my Blu-Ray discs soon too!

One of the things I really dug was Eva Green as Vesper Lynd, the sultry British treasury operative sent to stake Bond at the poker tables, who lifts her role to a solid performance. I would marry this woman in a heartbeat. The train scene in which Bond and Vesper attempt to guess each other's past balances the fine sense of humor with romantic honesty. She was fantastic in Bertolucci's "The Dreamers", and though not as good was also in "Kingdom of Heaven". Rather odd I don't seem to meet women like this in my life . . . is it location? Maybe I must spend more time in Monaco, Montpelier, or some random classical place.

Did I mention how amazing Eva Green is?

Anyways, the yet to be named 22nd 007 film will feature again Daniel Craig, while apparently they're looking at the 20-year old twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley. Hollywood executives (code for blood-sucking leeches) are said to be in talks with producers to co-star in the latest 007 installment. WHAT? What part of any of their history makes people think they can act? Let alone be part of the Bond legacy? Was it their 'make you want to pluck your eyes out' classic "New York Minute"? Or the equally 'I would rather stick my face in the microwave' intriguing "To Grandma's House Here we Go"? And please, there's a lot more . . . Apparently in order to seal the deal, the super-intelligent producers have offered the super-duper twins a contract clause which states no nudity or sex scenes will be required from the pair. Apparently their role in the film will solely be to help Bond with the mission. (They're 20. In what universe can they help him? Make funky rainbow coloured charm bracelets to give to the kids of the bad guys he kills?)

There's word now that Carice van Houten and Abbie Cornish are rumored to play Bonds possible sexual interests in the film. Did some research, Carice is some random Dutch actress I sure as hell have never heard of. She recently acted in a movie called "Black Book", directed by none other than Paul Verhoeven. He's a guy I never really understood. He makes the following awesome movies; "Robocop", "Total Recall", "Basic Instinct", and then showed up with "Showgirls" (WTF??) and then the cult classic "Starship Troopers". I don't even want to talk about "Hollow Man". Anyways, so he says about her in a television interview: "Never in my life I have worked with an actress this talented," and when asked to compare her with Sharon Stone he says: "Carice can really act".The international press is also enthusiastic about her role in Black Book as some random schmuck Dick Schümer writes in his review of the film in the Frankfurter Allgemeine that Carice van Houten is " . . .not only more beautiful, but also a better actress than Scarlett Johansson". Okay . . .

Did I talk about how stunning Eva Green is? Did I hint at that? Slightly?

As for Abbie Cornish, it's first of all an odd name. Besides that, she's some other Auzzie actress, but was in "The Golden Age" that just came out, and "A Good Year" with good old Russell 'Throw ma phone at you mate' Crowe.Completely random. I'm all for finding new talent and propelling them to semi-stardom but please, for the love of all that is holy and right, no Olsen twins ok? Besides, do they really need all the publicity and money? Forget all your pubescent fantasies, (now they're not teenagers anymore), they're not even that pretty, (I don't even come close to liking bimbo blonds), and sure as schinola can't act. Maybe in a plot twist that would please many viewers Bond can tie them to their millions of DVDs, perfumes, clothes, pencils, nuclear power plants, CDs, books, and other 'we're cute and innocent propaganda' stuff and let them sink to the bottom of the Atlantic.

Now THAT I would wait in line to see.

And by the way, Eva Green rocks.