Sixteen Randoms Thoughts while Jogging

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "psychotic mental illness." Similair to the line between "having a crush on someone" and "stalker from Cape Fear".
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life. Ever.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. And if a girl asks you, it's cause she like you muppet so dance. (I learned that the hard way).
7. Never lick a steak knife. No matter how good the gravy is.
8. You will also NEVER be skilled enough to do the knife between fingers trick that Bishop does in Alien. (Sorry Paul)
9. The most destructive force in the universe is jealously.
10. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
11. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
12. People expect that there comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is never. It's your birthday. Enjoy it.
13. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we have some special skills that makes us unique. (Shooting milk through your nose does not count).
14. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, taxi driver, or cashier is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails. Ever.)
15. Life ain’t a box of chocolates. Life sucks sometimes, really, really bad. It whacks you in the mouth and when you’re getting up it kicks you in the side. Other times you feel like every element of this universe forms towards you, and fills you with a high you never though existed. It’s a balance, deal with it.
16. Diplomacy is remembering a woman's birthday, but never her age.